first official entry cool! by the time im writing this i havent worked on this in like? a month?? so i was rusty going in but yk. got the hang of it again...
i do come here starting off with a rant/vent though so. lol whoops
school's coming to an end soon and i'm getting to that final push and it's been. whew boy! definitely going better than last year but i'm still getting that 'end of the year urge to slack off' which is especially bad because i am a JUNIOR which is like. notoriously one of the most important highschool years. its very scary getting reminded that i have to start worrying about important things soon (college work money etc) and its even worse when i see people around me already having things figured out
i feel like it'd be a little weird to call it jealousy but i guess in a way it is? im happy for them but at the same time its like... damn. why cant i get my shit together the way they do (sob) i dont think im scared of growing up or becoming independent because its something ive really dreamed of for a while . like the thought of Being Free excites me but everything that comes alongside it gives me the urge to projective vomit onto my carpet
i still have a lot of the same nerdy hobbies and interests i had when i was 11 and honestly?? im happy about that!! im happy that these things that bring me joy can still stick with me after so long. but i always wonder if thats gonna apply to me when i'm in college, and even after that. i don't want to be someone who grows out of having hobbies just bc they're an adult. i want to use my age to get more opportunities to indulge in the things i like without fear of being ridiculed
theres way too many things to keep in mind when it comes to being an adult let me sit on my computer and be silly forever!!